What I've learned in 8 weeks

This post could also be an excerp from my imaginary book called The First-time Mother's Handbook.  It is the chapter on baby's bodily functions.  Enjoy!


If you are planning on welcoming a newborn baby into your home, beware of the following:

You will be pooped on, peed on, and puked on.  Get used to the idea and embrace it.  It means your baby's systems are working.  And buy lots of laundry detergent.

When trying to leave the house, put your clothes on at the VERY. LAST. MINUTE.  I'm not joking.  Otherwise, see above with the poop/pee/puke.

Use caution when changing diapers.  Newborns can poop with surprising power and distance.  Be sure you have an extra changing pad cover (or two) and an extra change of clothes. Are you sensing the theme yet?

Put the burp rag over your shoulder, even if it's just the quick jaunt from the living room to the nursery.  Because if you don't, the baby WILL spit up.  All over you.

The good news is, as a mom, you will quickly become desensitized.  When you carry Baby to her bathtub, you'll barely notice when she pees on your arm.  You'll be able to change a diaper with all the poo staying in the dirty diaper...usually.  And before you know it, your baby will burp a half gallon of curdled milk right down your shirt and you'll hardly blink an eye.  Seriously.

And, for the record, the smile of an eight week old that just had a HUGE burp is pretty priceless.  Definitely worth the dirty shirt.