Something I've wanted to say...

I thought that if I started a baby blog, I'd have endless things to write about.  Pregnancy makes it very easy to obsess!  Symptoms, emotions, nurseries, tiny socks, planning...there's so much!

But I'm often hesitant to hop online and type up whatever random pregnancy thing is on the forefront of my mind.  And I think I know why.  There's something I want you to understand.

I wasn't always pregnant.  *Duh.  Thanks, Beth.  Everybody knows that human gestation is only 40 weeks.  Of course you weren't always pregnant.*

What I mean is that I've wanted to be pregnant for a long time.  And, for many people, wanting to be pregnant isn't enough to make it happen.  I mean, wanting to be and not taking any...ahem...precautions...doesn't mean it's gonna happen.

And technically, the truth is that I have been pregnant before.  But not for long.  Our first pregnancy happened after several months sans precautions.  I remember being surprised that it took so long!  I come from a very, very fertile lineage.  (My parents combined have 14 siblings, who have gone on to produce my 45 first cousins.  Who in turn are producing countless second cousins...)

So after too many months of a disappointing single pink line on the stick...I came to the conclusion that it wasn't time.  I knew I couldn't control God's timing, so I went on with my life.  And, of course, that's when it happened.  Late period, two pink lines, joy and elation, peeing all the time, calls to the future grandparents, etc.  I was PREGNANT!

But then...There aren't really words to describe how I felt when I realized that we were losing our baby.  So many hopes and dreams and such powerful love...and yet we were powerless. 

I want you to know that I've been pregnant before, and it did not go as I had planned.

Praise God, this pregnancy is different.  You've seen the proof, right?  I want you to know that I realize how lucky I am.  And I'm not blogging to mindlessly brag about my pregnancy...I'm blogging to celebrate and cherish it.  This connection I have with my daughter, the fact that God is knitting her together in my womb is a privilege and miracle that I wasn't sure I'd ever get to experience.

And so, if you're reading this, and pregnancy hasn't been an easy thing in your life...if you've suffered through miscarriage or infertility, or even if you're waiting for the lack of precautions to pay off with the double pink lines...I feel for you.  If I know your story, I pray for you.  And our experiences remind me that much more to be grateful for what God is doing in my life.